Packing,Packing,Packing, Can I pack up my heart too?

I'm alone, yeah I'm all alone. It seems I got what I want and now I'm stuck and I'm miserable. I came across a quote I haven't used in a long time the other day "There are two tragedies in life one is getting what you want and the other is not getting it". Oscar Wilde said that and boy can I feel it right now, somehow I thought that when I pushed this thing to the very end I'd be happier. But I'm not. I don't think it's even fully over and I don't know if I can ever really drag myself away. I'm not strong enough to completely tear myself away from a situation taht I know is just wrong for me and possibly damaging. I yell and preach to other people all the time about this same sort of thing but in reality I am just a hypocrite. So I'm packing all my stuff up to move a block away and I can't stop crying and I hear people screaming in the apartment below me and I just want to get out of here and I can't help but feel that I'm in some transition and I just wish I could slam on the brakes but I can't, its too late. I'm going seventy miles an hour and I can't stop, my life is changing whether I like it or not, it's as if these things are happening to me and I have absolutely no control over them. Would it really be a tragedy if I got what I wanted? Would it really be a tragedy if I found some guy to love me and take care of me and treat me how they should treat me or is it just not this guy and I just don't want to accept that I screwed up again. That I wasted time, that I have to open myself up and be hurt again. I don't know, I don't have any answers, all I know is I will cave, again, and again, and again. I wish I was stronger, I wish I could take my own advice. I wish so many things, but sadly they never come true. I need sleep....goodnight everyone......

Lost in confusion
-C