Monday, August 20, 2007

Throwing out all the stops here........

Well, here we are five days before my birthday and I feel as if I am doing some sort of countdown...life is rough again, its as if I'm kayaking and I keep hitting rocks. I can't seem to stay in high enough water to keep the kayak moving smoothly and I keep banking and getting stuck (much like when I actually kayaked)I'm tired of being lied to, I'm tired of being ignored, I'm tired of being used. I'm just plain tired. Life seems to be treating me rather unfairly lately and I don't have any reason why except that it is life and that's all I've got for that. What does everyone else do when its too much to bear? I don't have anyone to talk to they've all gone away, my best friend has left me, all of them, my family is really no help and I don't like to sound whiny but I am kind of whiny today but this aching in my heart is so intrusive and so uncomfortable that I would do anything to make it stop. I know heartache and I know time heals but what do you do till you get to that time? I'm usually the advice girl, but she's out of advice right now and is just looking for friendly ears in a very unfriendly world that is getting more and more unfriendly by the minute. Thank god for writing or I would be lost, I am kind of lost, I just realized I've rambled about my own misery for five minutes, oh well, its a lost cause anyways.......

2 comments:

Kathy said...

Hi Carolyn,
Today is Friday and I'm just today reading your post from Monday. I really feel for you even though I don't know the details of what you've been going through. However, you remind me of my daughter a lot and thought I would answer your question about what does everyone else do when it's too much to bear. I've had times when I felt that way. Sometimes the only way I can find comfort is in reading the Bible and praying. It has gotten me through so many hard things. The Psalms in the Bible are really helpful to me. Thats how I handle difficult times.

Browneyedgurly said...

Thank you very much for the comment...I would have never thought of that as I'm not very religious but I am willing to try anything and I appreciate the advice of other people very much, thank you for your kind thoughts and advice!