Reflections on a Year Gone By

Every year around this time I start to get nostalgic. I’m really not sure if it’s because summer is winding down or if its because my birthday is creeping up one me, or maybe it’s just the sweltering heat accompanied by the dozens of thunderstorms we seem to be getting here in the Midwest. Whatever it is I’ve been reflecting back on the past year and everything that has happened over the course of it. I was in a very different place at this time last year and I was quite possibly a very different person. I thought I knew where I was going and what I was doing but all those plans and dreams seem to have been shattered, well maybe not shattered but altered. It has been extremely difficult watching just about everyone I know graduate from colleges and universities and set off on what I consider “real” jobs while I still struggle to get by and figure out just what I want to “do”. I’ve had many dreams over the years, as a child I wanted to be a firefighter. As a teenager a therapist, as a young adult I wanted to volunteer for the Peace Corps. Where I am at now I would love to do many things, most of which are eclectic dreams that do not bring in much money and unfortunately I have expensive taste. So here I am approaching the passing of another year and I feel as if I am at a cross roads.Do I give in and settle for something that I will ultimately be very unhappy doing? Or do I stick with my heart and ride this out until I find what I am looking for? I’ve come to the conclusion that I cannot be the only one with this dilemma but sometimes it feels like it and if anyone is as impatient as I am they will know that this restlessness is not an pleasant feeling. I think too many people lose their dreams and lose what they really wanted in life and I don’t want that for myself. I would rather be happy and have little that be unhappy and have a lot. I’ve been throwing out a lot of quotes lately and I’m about to toss out another one.
“Sit quietly doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself”. That was some Zen philosophy and I’ve been trying to follow it. Instead of pushing to make something happen I’ve resorted to letting nature take its course. I leave you with that and hopes that my words are well received on this day.